


The Universe May Be in Danger, But I Still Love You

by Senpai_lit



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Friendship, Gay, Kissing, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2018-08-09 15:33:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7807363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senpai_lit/pseuds/Senpai_lit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The universe is falling in danger, but I'm more afraid of falling in love with you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan fiction, so please tell me what I'm doing right and wrong, all feedback is appreciated. You can also make suggestions for this work and I will try my best to make them possible. Again, this is my first time writing something like this, so please don't judge me too harshly.

* * *

 

/3rd point of view/

 

Keith had just finished his training session when he heard Lance's voice echo through the hallways. 

"Keith! Hello? Where are you?!"

"Oh god," Keith murmured under his breath. He decided to ignore Lance, believing it would be a waste of his time to deal with him at the moment. 

Keith left the training deck and decided to go for a walk to clear his mind. He also needed to get away from Lance.

"Where are you going so late?" Shiro asked. He was recently helping Keith with his training and was resetting the system to restart the match. He was panting and sweating immensely after they had both just fought the training bot. 

"None of your business,  ~~dad~~." 

"So I take it you're done with training?" The "start"button was flashing on the screen, with Shiro's finger hovering over it. 

Keith shrugged, "I'm just bored. I'll probably train later."

Shiro whispered under his breath, "Jeez, do you do anything other than training?"

Keith didn't respond, but gave Shiro an annoyed glance and walked out of the room. Shiro laughed to himself and was debating whether to follow Keith. Keith was acting... strange. First, Keith had stopped his training an hour early, which he rarely does. Now, he's going somewhere that for some reason Shiro is not allowed to be aware of. Something was up. Shiro, however, decided to let it go, as he was not the "sneaking" type. It was probably just a bad day. We all have those, Shiro thought to himself. 

Keith threw his jacket over his shoulder as he walked out of the training deck. "What is he talking about? I do other things than train. I know how to have fun. Maybe, I just don't want to have any." Keith was complaining under his breath, not watching where he was going. As he turned the corner, he bumped right into someone. Keith fell to the ground and hit his hand. He winced slightly and slowly began to get angrier.

"Watch where you're going!" he yelled.

"Ah, sorry about that Keith." Hunk was standing there with a bunch of snacks stuffed in every pocket Hunk had and his arms appeared to be overloaded with snacks. He was carrying so much you could only see his forehead. Keith was very confused and angry, but he wanted to control his temper. He took a deep breath, stood up, and brushed the dust off his pants. 

"Yeah, don't worry about it. I just have a small bruise on my hand, I think I'll make it." Hunk seemed unsure, but Keith convinced him he was fine. Suddenly, he heard multiple footsteps running up to them.

"Hunk! No one said you could take all the snacks!"

"Yah! We won't let you eat them!"

Pidge and Lance were running towards Hunk with determination painted on their faces. However, once Lance locked eyes with Keith, he averted his attention from Hunk.  

"Oh God..." Keith did _not_ want to get more irritated than he already was. 

"Keith! There you are! I was looking everywhere for you!" 

"Then why didn't you just check the training deck?" Hunk and Pidge said in unison. 

 

* * *

 

/Keith's point of view/

 

I need to get out here. Everyone is seriously getting on my nerves. I'll just walk away. As I was leaving, I felt someone tugging on my arm. 

"Where are you going? Are you not listening to me?" Lance asked with clear irritation in his voice. 

"Sorry, but I'm a little busy," I said with bitterness. I need to clear my mind. I sprinted towards the nearest exit, making sharp turns in hopes of escaping Lance. Luckily, Lance could not keep up with me. I was exhausted when I finally found a door leading outside. 

I rushed out and my face was hit by the cold breeze. I breathed in and calmed down. I could still slightly hear Lance's taunting voice calling my name, so I ran towards what seemed like a cave. 

What I didn't tell Shiro, and what I didn't want anyone to know was why I went outside in the first place. I just couldn't face Lance. Something has felt... different in the last few days. I thought I was just being a helpful teammate. I thought after it was over, Lance and I would go back to being friends. Though I would never let Lance know I call him my friend because he would never shut up about it. We promised to keep it secret because if anyone found out they would get the wrong idea. But what I felt was too much. It reminded me of the happiness I have once felt before.

I slapped my hands against my face. I needed to get all these thoughts out of my head. If Lance and I became more than friends, it would ruin the team. I need to stop. Maybe it was just the heat of the moment? Yah. Of course. Anyone would feel something if they were in that position. Now that it's over, we'll just continue being friends and nothing more. 

I stood up and brushed the dust off my jeans. I was about to head back when I heard footsteps near the cave. I stopped and pinned myself against the wall so I wouldn't be seen. I peeked out and was annoyed at who I saw. 

 

* * *

 

/Lance's point of view/

 

I'm worried about Keith. He probably hates me. I immediately regret what I did. Fuck, why am I so stupid? I chased after him but I quickly ran out of breath. Luckily, I heard one of the doors closing and followed Keith outside. I just wanted to talk to him about what happened. I watched Keith disappear into the cliff side. I quietly followed him, but lost sight him and had to walk around aimlessly searching for him. 

I was about to give up my search when I heard quiet footsteps coming behind me. I spun around and locked eyes with Keith. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it was hard to tell from the first chapter, something happened between Keith and Lance that was, shall we say, very intimate. This chapter will explain what happened and how Keith and Lance feel about it.

 

/Keith's point of view/ 

 

I froze as Lance and I locked eyes. This was  _not_ what he needed right now. We probably only stood there for 10 seconds, but it felt like an eternity. Lance eventually broke the silence.

"Hey, Keith."

I could only manage to say "hey" back in a quiet, hushed voice. Lance sighed with an exhausted expression on his face. 

"Listen, Keith. I really want to talk about what happened a couple days ago. You've been avoiding me ever since and I seriously think we need to talk this out. Whether you want to or not." 

Oh great. Lance has me cornered. The only direction I can run is right at Lance, and I know he won't mind tackling me to the ground. This could not be any worse. 

"Alright fine. I mean, it's not like I have a choice anyway." 

We both wander a little deeper into the cave and sat against the walls. I shivered as my back made contact with the freezing cave wall. All at once, the memories of what happened came flooding into his mind. 

* * *

 

/3rd point of view/ 

Lance woke up screaming, tears and sweat running down his cheeks. Keith was jolted awake at the sound and went to go see what happened since he was the closest to Lance's room. Everyone else heard it too since they were all going to Lance's room to see what happened. When they came barging into the room, Lance was calm and showed no sign of tears. 

"Oh my god, Lance are you okay? We all heard a loud scream. Is everything okay?" Shiro asked with clear worry written on his face. 

"Yah sorry everyone. Everything's fine. I was feeling hungry so I woke up to go get a snack but a spider was crawling on my leg." Lance chuckled nervously, hoping his story was convincing enough. Well, it worked since everyone left Lance's room to go back to their own. Keith stayed back a little longer, lingering a few moments before getting up to leave when Lance grabbed his arm. 

"Hey Keith, can you stay for just a minute? I need to ask you something." Keith was shocked at first, but everyone already left, so he decided there would be no harm in hearing out what Lance had to say. Keith felt like Lance's story wasn't all that convincing. Something was just  _off._ Lance was shaking and his eyes were red. It looked like he was just tired, but his eyes were full of sadness and he looked like he was on the verge of breaking into tears. 

"Sorry about this. I didn't mean to make everyone worry. Thanks for staying, at least." 

Keith was getting really concerned. Lance was rarely nice to Keith. Their friendship was based on making everything a competition and pointing out every mistake we made. According to Lance, they were rivals. Keith wondered if rivals ever spoke like this to each other. 

"You're probably wondering why I made you stay. Honestly, I don't even know myself why I thought I should I tell you, but you're the one I'm stuck with now." 

"Lance, are you sure you're really okay? Did you hit your head before going to bed? Do you feel dizzy? What's 9 + 4?" 

Lance seemed a bit annoyed that Keith wasn't taking this a little more seriously. He just stared blankly at Keith. Keith realized this was way more serious than he expected. 

"Sorry dude, I'm just not used to you being so nice to me."

"Well, I can't blame you." Lance nervously chuckled.

"Well since you kept me here, I think it's time to tell me what's really wrong." 

Lance's relaxed grin slowly faded and he just sat on his bed staring at the ground. 

"I had this... nightmare." 

Keith was sitting there, clearly not sure how to react. Why was Lance being this upset over a bad dream? Keith had them all the time but never woke up screaming. 

"Dude, you know it was just a dream, right? They're not real."

Keith clearly wasn't helping. Lance's eyes began watering and he turned to cry into his pillow. He quietly cried while he said, "I know."

Now Keith knew he messed up. This was obviously more than just a "bad dream."

But this was really hard for Keith. No one was ever there to comfort him when he had bad dreams. He just learned to deal with it. He reached out his hand onto Lance's back, just like Shiro had comforted Hunk when they were all out of his favorite Altein snacks. Not the same situation, but it was the only thing Keith could think of right now. Lance lifted his head slightly to look at Keith and whispered "You asshole." They both laughed and Lance sat up. 

"Yah sorry. I really don't know how to comfort anyone." 

"I can see that." Lance grinned and wiped the tears from his face. 

Good, Keith thought. At least I got him to smile. 

Keith sat down next to Lance on the bed. "Tell me what you dreamed. Maybe talking about it will help." 

At first, Lance was very hesitant to tell Keith what happened. But he was the one who kept Keith here, so I guess it was time to come clean. 

"Well, it started like any other normal dream, really. I dreamed I was back home on earth." 

"Home." "Family." Keith never really knew what it felt like to have a family and home to come back to. He wondered if he was really got to help Lance out with this problem. 

Lance didn't notice how uncomfortable Keith was and continued. 

"But, when I went to go see my family, I had realized they were all gone. While we're out here in space, we don't know what's happening back at home. I just can't imagine coming home and seeing everyone... gone" Lance began tearing up again, and Keith reached over to hug him. Lance shook in Keith's arms, trying to muffle his cries. Lance looked into Keith's eyes and asked, "Can you please stay?" 

Keith, at first, was a little shocked. But he realized that right now, all Lance wanted was for someone to hold him. 

So Keith laid down next to Lance, cuddling and holding him while Lance gave out tiny sobs until his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. Keith was exhausted and didn't have enough energy to go back to his own room. He quickly fell asleep with Lance in his arms, and they slept like that all night. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

/Keith's point of view back to present/ 

 

I was already shaking as I remembered what happened. Seeing how uncomfortable Lance was just made Keith even more nervous. We just sat there in silence remembering everything that happened. "Well, you were the one who wanted to talk about this. So why aren't you saying something?" 

"'Cause I don't know what to say, dumb ass. If it was that easy then I don't think we'd be stuck in such an uncomfortable situation." 

Now I was just getting annoyed. "Well if you have nothing to say, leave, because you're wasting my time."

Lance looked hurt and quickly responded, "Okay I'm sorry. Just please, we can't keep going on just ignoring what happened." 

I knew he was right, and I hated it. "Wouldn't it just be better to forget?"

He glared at me and I knew there was no use. 

"For starters, I think it's obvious we're not going to mention this to the others."

I gave him a glance of 'no shit' and he sighed. This was not going well. 

"I'm getting tired of apologizing, Keith. I know I suck at this, okay? Give me a break. At least I'm trying and not just making unnecessary remarks."

"Okay, then I'll ask you something. What really happened that night. Why did you choose me to stay? Why not Shiro, who clearly knows how to comfort someone. Why not Allura, as you seem to love flirting with her and she protects us? Why not Pidge, who is compassionate despite her sarcastic comments? Why not Hunk, who cares for all of us and would never let anything harm us? Why me? Why the rude asshole who doesn't know how to consider people's feelings?" 

"I don't know. And I really wish I could. I don't know what I was thinking. I just had this instinctive feeling that it had to be  _you._ I mean, I can't deny that you helped me that night. So why do you care?"

"God Lance that doesn't give me an explanation. I want to know because now I'm being inconvenienced here. I didn't ask for this you know"

It all happened so fast. One moment we were both sitting and having a normal conversation. Now Lance was standing, his hand moving across my face. The sound of him slapping me echoed through the cave. 

"I didn't ask for this either! Do you think I'm happy with this? Do you think it enjoying this? I'm freaking out. And you want to know why? Because I think I like you."

Lance was out of breath, tears streaming down his face. Realizing what he had done, horror struck his face. He let out a gasp and ran out of the cave. And I sat there, still processing what had just happened. I couldn't move. I should run after him. But I count move my legs. I need to cry out to him. I need to say something. But the only noise that escaped my lips was a whimper. I had not noticed I was crying until my cheeks began feeling noticeably cold. And I had an aching pain shoot through my chest. I didn't know what it was, but more than anything, I wanted to disappear. 

At that moment, I wished that I seized to exist. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was short I'll see if I can make the next one longer :P


	4. Chapter 4

/3rd person point of view/

 

Keith stared at the ceiling and slowed his breathing. He needed to clear his mind.  He set his room to open up the ceiling, so he could count the stars.  _Millions_ , he whispered to himself.  _That's how many times I've fucked up._ He noticed a shooting star fly by. He pondered what to wish for. He decided to save his wish for later. 

Keith wondered who else was staring up into the sky right now. What they were thinking. What their wish was. 

At the same time, Lance had been observing the Stars and whispered to himself,  _I wish that this all never happened._ He was hoping that counting the stars would put him to sleep. But nothing was working. So he decided to try something different. 

Lance left his room and quietly roamed the castle to find an exit. He opened a door that led outside and took a deep breath. He loved the feeling of the fresh air. The stillness of life, yet how everything felt alive at the same time. The fireflies hovered around him. He looked up at the sky. It was truly beautiful. If only he could put what he saw into words. Staring up at the sky, millions of galaxies, planets, and stars scattered the sky. The grass beneath his feet was a refreshing feeling, and the breeze made him feel free. He had not felt like this since he was a child. His family had lived in a small town, but it was near a city, so the Stars were never really visible. But when he went to visit his grandmother's farm, the sky was clear. But now, standing here on an alien planet, alone but not lonely, this moment could not compare to what he had seen on the farm. 

Just as Lance taking in everything that was happened, he noticed a light go on inside the castle. Afraid it was Keith, Lance quickly darted back inside. He struggled to find his room in the pitch black and had ended up bumping into someone. He was freaking out while trying to find an excuse when he heard Hunk's voice go "Oh sorry I couldn't see where I was going and..." 

"It's okay Hunk. I could barely see either."

"Oh hey, Lance, what are you doing up so late? Grabbing a snack? Because I already took all of them from the kitchen." 

"No, just getting some fresh air. Couldn't sleep you know?" Lance was sweating immensely and prayed Hunk could not tell. 

"Okay well, good luck with that. I'm going to enjoy a small midnight snack."

And the two went their separate ways. When Hunk was out of reach, Lance let out a big sigh of relief. He dragged himself back to his room. he jumped into his bed and closed his eyes. But no matter what, he was not able to fall asleep. He got up and jogged in place. He started doing push-ups and sit-ups. He tried anything to make himself tired. Nothing was working. Maybe the training deck? He left again to check out the training deck. He traveled down the long, dark halls. The silence was deadly, yet peaceful. It kept him on edge and calmed him. 

As he turned the corner, he was disappointed to see that the training deck was already in use. He peeked in to see Shito and Keith fighting it out, as they always do.  _God, I'm jealous of Shiro._ Realizing what he had just said, his face turned red and he thanked God that no one could hear his thoughts. He watched as they both attacked each other. He noticed Keith was more rough than usual, and Shiro was struggling to keep up. He looked exhausted, while Keith was fired up and looked like he could go on for a few more hours.

Keith didn't notice that he was pushing Shiro. That wasn't on his mind right now. All he could do was remember, which was something Keith hated to do. Keith wanted to do anything but remember. So he kept hitting harder. Striking faster. Breathing slower. And he had not noticed what he had been doing until he saw blood on his sword. Keith stared at Shiro's face, as there was now a cut on his left cheek. Keith dribbled the sword in horror and ran over to Shiro. "Oh my god Shiro I'm so so so sorry. Oh, my god, I messed up. I messed up so bad I'm sorry. Oh my god, please... I...."

But Shiro reassured him, as he said, "It's just a small cut. It's nothing serious, don't worry about it. I know you didn't do it on purpose." 

Yet Keith still felt horrible. How could he be such a screw-up? He could never do anything right. All these thoughts ran through his head, and lead to more remembering. Keith wanted to scream. He let Shiro go back to sleep and had already felt like such an asshole for waking him up just so he could injure him. As Shiro left, Keith punched the wall. Blood trickled down his fist. His hand hurt like hell, but he didn't care. He removed his hand and noticed some blood was left on the wall. He took off his shirt to clean it, revealing his torso. He heard a gasp come from the other side of the room and noticed Lance was standing right there. 

 

Lance was freaking out. He didn't mean to gasp. Now he wished he had never left his room. They both stood in an awkward silence, something that unfortunately happens quite often. As if he had heard someone walking down the hall, Keith ran up to Lance and put his hand over his mouth.

"Be quiet. Don't say anything. Please"

Lance slowly nodded in agreement, eyes widened in fear. Keith removed his hand. Lance quickly transformed his scared expression to one of slight annoyance.

"No need for that asshole."

"Sorry, I was just paranoid."

Lance couldn't help but drift his eyes towards Keith's abs. He quickly looked away when Keith saw him staring. He felt himself blushing. Keith blushed as well, as he had forgotten he wasn't wearing a shirt.

In a broken voice, Keith asked, "So, what are you doing here? You rarely come to the training deck."

"I just couldn't sleep. I needed to clear my mind, and you always say that training here helps you out so I thought I'd try it out."

Lance hoped Keith believed him. He didn't want to look like some stalker. Keith, however, wasn't really paying attention to what Lance was saying. All that was running through his head was what happened with Shiro. He didn't even realize Lance was leaving until he turned around and headed for the door.

"No, wait!" Keith grabbed Lance's arm. He didn't know why, but he did not want to be alone. The thought of the absence of Lance's presence made him feel upset. He began stuttering. "I'm sorry I... I don't know what came over me I just... didn't want to be alone..."

That's when Lance suddenly grabbed Keith's chin and pulled him close. Their lips were pressed together, softly and warmly. They were both standing there, in their own universe, oblivious to everything around them. At that moment, only the two of them existed. Keith ran his arm through Lance's hair and unconsciously pulled him in closer, closing his eyes to the safe feeling of Lance's arms.

His hands were traveling everywhere, and Keith no longer had control of his body. He knew he had to quickly pull away.

He grabbed Lance by the shoulders and pushed them back. In horror, Lance stares at Keith. "Oh my god, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that, it was just in the heat of the moment and I couldn't control myself! It all just happened so fast-"

"It's fine. I get it. Let's just... not talk about this."

"But isn't that how we got into this stupid situation in the first place? We can't just ignore our problems."

 _I hate it when he's right_ , Keith thought to himself. And no matter how many times Keith denied what he had done during that moment, he really did enjoy it.

Keith exited the training deck and returned to his room without saying a word to Lance. He didn't want to enjoy it. He wasn't supposed to. He should be angry. But he's not. And he couldn't figure out why. He doesn't like Lance, so what was so special about that kiss that made his heart flutter? He felt lightheaded just thinking about it.

As Keith entered his room, he was too distracted to lock the door. A few minutes after Keith is done changing, Lance comes barging in, much to the chagrin of the mostly undressed boy.

"Lance what are you doing? Go back to your room!"

But Lance just calmly stood there and quietly replied, "No."

He walks over to Keith's bed and sat on the edge.

"Well, what do you want?"

"I have a question."

He was staring at Keith's body again, but this time, for a different reason. He noticed scars scattered on Keith's stomach and legs, due to the exposure of Keith wearing only his boxers.

"If you don't mind me asking, what are those scars?"

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

/3rd point of view/

Keith quickly covered his stomach with his arms. He began panicking. His vision blurred and he turned cold. 

He began  _remembering._

 _No no no stop,_ he thought to himself.  _Get out of my head!_

Tears streamed down his face. He had not realized that he was crying into Lance's shoulder. He felt so pathetic. He gripped Lance's shirt, pulled in closer, and screamed.

All of the memories that he thought he had forgotten began flooding into his mind. He felt like he was suffocating.  _This happened a while ago I should have forgotten,_ Keith thought. But he knew he would never be able to forget what had happened. 

 

 

/Keith's point of view/ 

Everything was dark.

I stared at nothing and let my eyes wander. It felt... peaceful. 

A beam of light filled the room and made me jump. I closed my eyes and covered myself with the blanket. 

"Rise and shine bitch!" 

I groaned loudly. I threw a pillow towards the voice hoping that would shut him up. I looked up to see Toni smirking at me with the pillow in his hands. He threw it back at me and I groaned even louder. Randomly, he grabs my foot and drags me out of bed. I ungracefully land on the floor and yell, "Fuck you asshole!" 

Toni just laughed at me on the floor and mentioned, "I made pancakes so you better hurry up, because you know I love my own cooking. Also if you're late to school again you won't be getting my homemade pasta tonight." He winked and left the room. 

I slowly dragged myself off the ground. I grabbed one of my FOALS t-shirts and a pair of jeans. I try to change quickly but I know Toni is too nice to eat all the food. 

After brushing my teeth, I strolled into the kitchen to see Toni wearing a "Kiss My Ass" apron and flipping pancakes on the stove. There were already a few set up on a plate. As I reached to grab one, he slaps my hand. 

"Sorry, you were too slow and now those are mine. But you can get the next batch." 

I glared at him and he smiled back. I went over to the fridge and grabbed some orange juice. Toni, for some odd reason, hated orange juice and gagged when he saw me pouring myself a glass. I laughed at his reaction and offered to pour him a glass. He ignored me and turned back to continue cooking. He was whistling and dancing around the stove. He had always had a beautiful voice.  _And a great ass..._ I quietly said, hoping he heard me.

As on cue, he began shaking his hips around more and making weird kissy faces. I cracked up at how ridiculous he looked and almost spit out my orange juice. He threw the pancakes onto my plate and I couldn't wait to dig in. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Toni was pouring an immense amount of syrup on his pancakes. I could feel myself getting sicker and he chuckled at my face of disgust. I turned away to grab the butter. 

I could feel my mouth watering in anticipation. Toni was an amazing cook, and everyone knew it. I would be constantly told from jealous people how lucky I was to have him as my roommate. I'd always love to laugh in their face because it was definitely a blessing to have Toni around to cook. 

As my mind wandered, I had stopped paying attention to the clock. I almost dropped my glass of orange juice when Toni yelled, "Oh my god we're gonna be late!" 

I glance over at the clock as it reads 7:58. Our class starts at 8. Now an even louder and more annoyed groan escapes my mouth as we had to rush onto our bikes and head off to the university. 

I let Toni take the lead, as I always struggle with directions. He always teased me about it, especially since the university wasn't even a mile away. 

"I know it's close, but I just can't remember how to get there." 

Toni scoffed at my excuse, but what I said was the truth. At a regular pace, we usually made it to the university in about 5 minutes. But since we only had 2, Toni was biking like crazy and almost ran a little kid over. 

When we got to the university, I glanced at my phone to see it was 8:01. I know my professor would not mind a minute of being late, but Toni's photography professor, on the other hand, would penalize you for even being a second late. He gave me a look of desperation before we went to our classes and all I could do was wish him luck. I casually strolled into my graphic design class. The professor was already beginning his lecture when I chose a computer at the back of the class next to a window and sat down.  He was giving a brief explanation for our next project continuing from yesterday's lesson and showing us a tutorial on what he is looking for in our projects. 

"Tomorrow, we will be doing early peer critiques. This is just to see what your peers think about the start of your project and give suggestions on how to improve."

I rolled my eyes. I hated peer critiques. I don't like when people stare at my art and tell me how to fix it. I know it's supposed to "help me," but I don't like people telling me how to express myself. The professor knew this and gave me a concerned glance. I half-heartedly smile back and give him a thumbs up. I know he'll probably pull me aside after class to talk to me about my situation. His voice began to muffle and I wasn't in class anymore. As I stared at the sky, I couldn't help but let my mind wander. I had been thinking about my unfinished pancakes left on the counter and I began drooling. I felt a pain in my ribs as the person next to me jabbed me in my side. 

"Ow, what was that for?" I asked. 

"Everyone's already started their project and here you are foaming at the mouth with an orgasmic expression on your face."

"That's an interesting use of word choice..." 

"Well, there was really no other way of describing it. What's your name?" 

"Keith." 

"Are you going to ask me my name?"

"No sorry I don't really care that much."

"Ouch, that hurt. Well for future reference, my name is Ella." 

I looked up from my computer and studied her face. She had green eyes and black hair, with freckles scattered around her pale face. She was wearing black lipstick and heavy mascara. She was wearing glasses with a thick black rim and a "The Last of Us" hoodie that I had to admit looked badass and I couldn't help but feel a little bit of jealousy. She was also wearing ripped black jeans and alien converse. Lastly, I noticed her side nose piercing and a necklace with a crescent moon. Needless to say, this girl was... interesting. 

I wanted to ask her more, but I knew I needed to start on my project. I open my editing Software and begin. I was always blessed with having so many picture references from Toni's photography class. Last week they did "naked statues" and he sent me his work. I gazed in amazement at the quality. 

But one stood out in particular. It was a boy leaning over with his bare back exposed and if his face slightly turned to the camera with his eyes closed and a sad expression on his face. It was such a unique expression. He looked so innocent yet broken. A moment of inspiration sparked in my mind. 

Without paying attention to the time, I get quite a lot done, and I'm already loving it. 

The boy had black wings extending off if his back that stretched out. Colorful tears ran down his face, and he had a small crack in his cheek. 

It was still sloppy, but I was very proud of my concept. 

I had not noticed Ella staring at my screen until she quietly said in awe "That's amazing." 

I felt flustered and barely mumbled out a thank you. She smirked at my failed attempt at being nice. 

"It's weird we have such a similar concept. Wanna see? And I swear on my mother's grave that I did not copy yours."

I turn my focus towards her screen. 

It was a woman being held up by chains in a long, white dress. She had white wings extending outward but she looked dead. 

"I mean yours is good... but I'd have to say mine is better." 

"Fuck off I didn't ask for your opinion. That's for tomorrow moron." 

She flicked my forehead which caught me by surprise. She giggled at my blank reaction. I stuck up my middle finger at her and did the same to me.

Who the hell was this girl? 

She looked at her watch and saved her file before turning off the computer. 

"Well looks like class is over, but if you wanna keep in touch, here's my number." 

She winks and hands me an old receipt from the supermarket with her number written in such a sloppy manner I could barely make it out. Half of the class was already gone as she grabbed her bag and trotted out the door. 

I gathered my things to leave when I saw my professor call me over. I dreadfully walked over. 

"Keith, I want to make sure we don't have any problems like last time?"

"I'm going to be fine Pr. Madson. Don't worry." 

"You know you're the only one who calls me professor." 

I shrugged. "Well, what else did you go to school for? You earned that title so you should be called 'professor'. People are just lazy."

He chuckled and thanked me. "At least someone gives me a little respect around here." 

The moment he lets me go I sprint out the door. I always wait in the lounge for Toni. While he is amazing at what he does, he is not the most behaved in class and had an issue with handing in assignments on time, so he always ends up getting lectures after class. He gets scolded quite often it really doesn't faze him, so I wonder why his teacher keeps trying. 

To pass the time I began to doodle in my notebook when someone approached me. 

"What took you so long?"

"Oh? I didn't know you were waiting for me." 

I glance up to see it's Ella. 

"Oh, sorry wrong person. You can leave."

"Wow, you're really harsh." She climbed over the edge of the couch and sits next to me. "Cool drawing you got there." 

While she points to my drawing of a cat wearing a sombrero I notice a small tattoo on the inside of her wrist. 

"Hey, what's that?"

She looked confused until she realized I was pointing to her wrist. 

"Oh, this?"

She lifts up her sleeve to show me a small outline of a cat with whiskers. 

"It reminds me of my sister. I haven't seen her in so long. God, I miss her. I keep telling myself to go back home and visit her, but the amount of work I get here always fuck up my plans." 

"Why doesn't she just come here?"

Just as she was about to tell me I'm suddenly in a choke hold, looking up to see Toni beaming at me. 

"Who's your girlfriend over here?"

I was trying to tell him we just barely met but he kept choking me so I could not speak a word. 

"Don't worry you don't have to get jealous. We're just friends."

Toni finally let me go and laughed at me. 

"Keith you know I'm the jealous type, so don't go making new friends without me." He winked at Ella and she stared back blankly. 

"Well good to know. I'm Ella, and I was about to ask Keith to grab some tea with me but if you want to tag along feel free." 

"I'll come along. This sounds fun. I'm Toni by the way."

I was still trying to recollect myself before realizing I was about to go on a date with my best friend and a random girl I just met. What was this day turning into? 


	6. Chapter 6

/Keith's point of view/

 

Ella dragged me and Toni into the local café where she ordered green tea and Toni got an iced latte. I had grabbed a chocolate muffin and ordered earl grey tea. 

"Ew you tea freaks, coffee is where it's at." 

Ella and I just looked at each other and rolled our eyes. 

"Coffee freak..." I muttered. 

Only Ella had heard me and began giggling to herself while Toni was confused by her random actions. I could barely suppress my smile as Ella had begun laughing harder after seeing Toni's confused expression. I could not help but join in with her and her tiny giggles. 

"Oh my god, you two are too obnoxious. Why am I even friends with you British wannabes."

"Technically tea originated in China and was then brought over to England but-"

Toni cut her off. "Sorry, but I'm not in the mood for a history lesson on the origins of tea."

She scoffed and replied, "Your loss."

We sat there and talked for about an hour. We were telling stories about each other and getting to know each of us better. I had found out that Ella was quite a gamer. I even found out that Toni used to be the lead singer in a band. 

"Why have I not known this before?" I asked as this was the first time I had heard of this.

He just shrugged. "It's really random to suddenly bring up the topic of my high school boy band. I never found the right way to bring it up."

"You can come up with as many excuses as you like, I don't care. Now I just want to know more." 

"What is there more to know? I had two good friends who knew how to play the guitar and bass. One of their cousins was our drummer, and I sang. We played a few gigs at the diner near my home. It just a fun temporary thing, not that big of a deal."

 "Dude that's so cool what the hell are you talking about." Ella gazed in wonder after hearing his story. 

He chuckled and replied, "I have a picture album back at our place if you want to check it out."

"Yes oh my god that sounds cool."

We packed up our bags and left to go back to our place. We decided to walk since Ella didn't have a bike. Besides, the scenery is always way more enjoyable in person. 

There was a small stream that ran through the town. Stone walls dipped down at an angle so rain could be flushed through the stream. Ella was walking on the edge with her arms spread wide in an attempt to balance herself. She had almost lost her balance and she fell onto me. 

"Aren't you lucky that I caught you? You could have died. So where is my thank you?" 

She quickly removed herself from my arms and said: "I'd rather die than give you my thanks."

Toni laughed at our arguments. Before we crossed the sidewalk bridge, we sat on the edge and pushed our legs through the gaps of the handlebars. I grabbed on and pulled closer, pushing my face in as far as possible. The bridge was overgrown with ivy and nature. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. Any second, a troll would appear and send you on some random quest to rescue a princess. I lost myself staring at the mysterious space under the bridge until Toni grabbed my arm and pulled me back into reality. I stood up and continued to walk until I saw our small home in the distance. It was a small home we had rented out for college, with only 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 1 kitchen and a tiny living space. It wasn't much, but it was cozy. 

Toni unlocked the door and let Ella inside.

"Welcome to our kingdom!"

Ella studied her surroundings. I noticed my pancakes were still sitting on the plate. I wanted to eat them more than anything but they were cold and I was supposed to be a good host first.  

Having guests over really makes you self-aware of your own home. I wasn't finished with laundry so piles of smelly clothes were stacked on chairs and piled on the edge of the couch instead of the laundry basket.  _Damn am I that lazy?_ I thought to yesterday when I promised Toni that I would finish the laundry. Oops. I also realized I forgot to water Toni's plants while he was away for the weekend visiting his family. I prayed he didn't notice their slight loss of color and droopy posture. 

We hadn't vacuumed in a while, and there was popcorn scattered on the ground. It was always the aftermath of movie Monday. Usually, Toni and I took turns vacuuming after our classes on Tuesday, but today plans changed. Crumpled up napkins and empty bags of chips were sprawled across the floor, and I could feel Toni glaring at me since we both knew that mess was mine. Some chips were still on the couch and I awkwardly wiped them onto the floor before sitting down. "Classy," Toni murmured under his breath. 

 

I noticed something had caught Ella's eyes. It was a painting I had made that was now hanging on the wall. It was a photo of a girl pulling her face apart and butterflies flying out of her eyes. It was the piece I submitted to the University that earned me a scholarship. It possesses a lot meaning to me. It represents someone who wants to be free and feels like their own skin is keeping them from being truly free. Some of the skeletons could be seen. It was cracked and broken. It shows that people are breaking inside, whether we see it on the outside or not. And sometimes, maybe all we want to do is break free. 

I had not realized that my thoughts had been said through my mouth until Ella commented on my concept. 

This painting reminds me of when I was in high school. Always trying to find myself, searching for where I belong. And I put on a smile every day, no matter how much it hurt. 

I had wanted to free myself. 

And hence, this piece was born. I don't like to be conceited, but I was so proud of this work. I usually hate every piece that I make but this one was powerful. It would stay with me forever. 

I awkwardly coughed and asked, "Um, why did Ella come here again?"

After a long pause, Toni finally spoke out. "Oh yeah! My picture album. I'll go get it from my room. Wait here." 

"Don't worry I'm not going anywhere," I replied. 

Ella and I sat on the couch in silence.

"I'm a shit host huh," I commented.

"Yeah, no shit dumbass." 

I broke out into laughter. "I didn't expect you to be so blunt!"

She giggled and replied, "I was just agreeing with you moron." 

After I calmed down a little I offered if she had wanted anything to eat. She had asked for a beer which surprised me at first since she didn't seem like the drinking type but I wasn't going to say no. So I reached into the fridge and pulled out two ice cold beers.

"There you go, you're learning how to be a proper host one drink at a time."

I raised an eyebrow at her while she just laughed and took a huge sip from the bottle. 

"Hey, why are you guys turning up without me?" Toni ran down the stairs after he had finished turning his room upside down. 

Ella raised her glass and pointed to me. "Sorry, I couldn't listen to him speak without being a little drunk." 

I gasped in shock and she just laughed. I smiled back and took a sip of my own beer. I was never a big fan, but I didn't mind drinking some from time to time. 

"I like the way you think!" Toni said as he grabbed himself a beer. 

So all three of us sat on the couch with Toni's photo album sprawled on the coffee table. 

 

My Tuesday became a day of drunk embarrassing stories told by two of the weirdest people I have ever met. 

 

Toni pointed out how the drummer, Marc, was caught having sex in the diner bathroom before they had a show and caused them to start the show later than usual. Toni was so pissed that the next day he covered all of Marc's underwear with hot sauce. He screamed the next morning like, and I quote, "a monkey who was being stabbed." Ella died laughing at that story. She told a similar story about on her first day of college. Her roommate was a party animal and had some crazy friends. The day Ella arrived Lily, her roommate, was throwing a massive party in the dorm lobby. It only lasted an hour since it was against dorm rules but in that one hour, her best friend was caught having sex with her boyfriend. So the next morning while everyone was at the showers, Lily took all of her friend's clothes and scattered them throughout the dorm. She even hung up her bras on the front doors. 

"Living with that insane bitch for a month before she finally got kicked out was wild. I had never even touched beer before that point. After a week, I couldn't get by without a few bottles."

"Damn, how come I don't have crazy stories like that?" I felt a little left out.

"Oh come on, you don't have any stories? Not one? High School couldn't have been  _that_ boring." Ella presses me, almost pouting. 

Thinking to myself, I began to mumble, "Well I guess there was that  _one_ thing..."

"See!" Ella points at me. "Spill the beans, Kevin!"

"Um, my name isn't-"

"Shut up Kile and get on with the story!" Toni burps and I can clearly see that both of them are a little drunk. 

I hadn't noticed, but while Ella was telling her story, Toni had gone to the kitchen and grabbed some whiskey. Ella had poured some into a red solo cup when I was spacing out. I sighed. 

"I think my story can wait for another day. You two need to rest."

They both whined in protest. 

"Ella where do you live?" I ask.

She mumbles under her breath "Wingrove street..."

I groan as I realize that's on the other side of town. I made a quick decision that was probably not the best, but hey, I was a little drunk too. 

"You know what? Just sleep over."

Her eyes light up and she jumps up. Through her giggles, she says "That's a great idea!" 

As she twirled around the room, I noticed that Toni's eyes kept slowly closing and his breathing slowed. I smiled to myself. He looked so cute while he was drunk asleep. Ignoring Ella's overly enthusiastic movements, I grab Toni so that he's leaning onto me. I carefuly trudged up the stairs. I opened the door to his room and carefully placed him on his bed. Before I let go, he grabs onto my shirt bringing my face inches away from his. He leaned in closer and I could feel his heavy breathing in my ears. 

"You know," he whispers in a deep, soothing voice, "have I ever told you that you're really cute when you look after me?"

My ears and cheeks turned red and he let go of me, collapsing onto the bed. I quickly left the room, closing the door behind me. It felt as though my heart was beating out of my chest. What the fuck did he just do? My vision blurred and I felt dizzy. I was awoken by the sudden noise of glass shattering. I ran down the stairs and watch as Ella is staring at a broken beer bottle. She looks as though she was about to cry. 

"Ella, are you okay?" I called out as I grabbed the broom. "Here let me clean up."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm such a screwup. This shouldn't have happened, I'm so sorry..." She was sobbing through her words. 

"Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong." I put my hand on her shoulder and she looked up at me. I wiped a tear away from her cheek. "I think it's time that you go to bed."

She quietly nods and looks down. I quickly cleaned up the glass and helped clean the couch. I gave her a pillow and blanket. As I began to leave, I felt her tug at the back of my shirt.  _Oh god not this again,_ I thought before turning around. Tears began to form at the edges of her eyes again.

"Keith... do you... do you hate me?"

"What? No way! Even though we just met, I think you're funny and different. But a good different. Like, it's cool to hang out with you. Don't doubt yourself, Ella. You're actually pretty cool." I smile at her and she smiled back.

She closed her eyes and mumbled "goodnight." 

I quietly strolled up the stairs. Before entering my room, I looked back and whispered  _goodnight_ to the empty hallway. 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

/Keith's point of view/

 

I kept turning back and forth in my sheets. My head was pounding. I groaned and slowly got up, sitting on the edge of my bed. I looked down at my dirty clothes laying on the floor. I kicked them to the side, deciding I'll deal with them later. I put on an old pair of gray sweatpants and a ripped FoB t-shirt I got from my first concert. It was so old the image was almost completely faded, but I refused to throw it out. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail which for some reason Toni loves. He says if I only I got an undercut I'd look like a hot, edgy and mysterious. I laughed to myself how dumb he sounded. 

The silence in the house was uncomfortable. The stillness gave me chills. I open the door and walk downstairs. Ella was still asleep, although she somehow ended up on the floor instead of the couch. I enter the kitchen and attempt to make breakfast. I barely knew how to make anything so I just popped some frozen waffles in the toaster. I grabbed some Frosted Flakes for myself and poured milk into the bowl. Some spilled onto the table and I murmured  _shit_ under my breath. 

"Watch your profanity!" Ella groggily said as she rose up from the ground. Her short dark hair clung to her cheeks and her eyes were puffy. She winced as she got up, clutching her head, probably forgetting how drunk she was last night. 

"A headache huh?" I asked her. "That makes two of us."

She responded with a pity laugh but I just ignored her. 

"So... what do you want for breakfast? We have gourmet waffles that were stuck in the freezer or exquisite cereals with complementary whole milk."

"You had me at waffles." Ella quickly slid up at the bar. I placed a plate with two waffles in front of her and she began licking her lips. "Got any syrup?" she asked impatiently, clearly not wanting to wait any longer to dig in. I reply with disgust.

"Sadly, yes" and I tossed her the bottle.

She just shrugged and piled it on top of her waffles. Gross. 

"Where's Toni? He's gotta taste these amazing waffles!" Ella perks up, looking at me almost like a lost puppy. 

"I'll go get him." I leave my bowl of cereal and jog up the stairs. As I approached his door, I knocked and announced: "I'm coming in!"

As I opened the door, to my horror, Toni was naked. 

"Yo, wassup Keith?" he casually greeted me.

I quickly closed the door and turned red. Everyone says that when you end up living with someone you're going to have to see them naked eventually. I just never really expected it to happen. I also didn't expect me to be this embarrassed by it but... I mean... I saw... everything... 

I was startled as the door opened behind me. Toni peaked his head out. "Dude is everything okay?" 

I sighed in relief as I noticed he was wearing clothes. However, he was only wearing a shirt and boxers, and he was about to walk downstairs. 

"Toni! You can't walk around like that! Ella is still here!"

"Oh, Ella's here? Cool."

And with that, he continued down the stairs. I felt defeated. I quickly chase after him. 

He and Ella casually greet each other as if everything was normal. It irritated me a little. One, Toni is walking around in practically nothing. Two, he doesn't even seem the least bit worried that I let her sleep over without asking him. I hated how open he was to everything. I just couldn't get it. I angrily stuffed my face with cereal as the two of them talked to each other as though they were good friends. I got this weird feeling in my stomach. Was it maybe jealousy? 

No way. I shook that thought out of my head. That's so dumb. Why would I be jealous? There's no one to be jealous  _of_. 

I glance over at the clock. It read 10:32 am. I sighed. "Guess no classes for today huh?" 

Toni grinned. "I'm not complaining!"

"Let's do something fun today," Ella called out and I could already see in her eyes that she was planning something. 

 "What do you have in mind?" I ask.

"I don't know... I was thinking... maybe a field trip?" She looked at me with mischievous eyes and an excited smile. 

"Where to?" Toni was quickly getting excited as well, almost jumping out of his seat as Ella kept thinking to grow suspense. 

"Let's see... why not the desert? Have you guys ever camped out there?" 

Toni and I both shake our heads but I was a little reluctant to the idea. Camping with someone I just met yesterday? For all I know, she's a murder and I'm her next victim. But Toni was already looking like a kid who was just told he's going to Disney for the first time and I didn't want to ruin his dessert camping experience. 

"Well, it's settled then!" Ella exclaims with a smile. 

"Wait a minute though," I call out. "What about supplies? And how are we gonna get there?"

"We can go to my house for the supplies. I also know a guy who said I can borrow his old pick up truck anytime!" Ella winked at me. 

"That sounds kind of shady..." 

"Loosen up Keith!" Toni jumped up and was already running upstairs. "We gotta get ready! Hurry up!" 

I sighed and slowly followed Tony up the stairs. As I passed his room, I could see clothes flying through the hair. I just ignore him and go to my room. I chose the clothes resting on the top of my drawer. Black sweatpants and a black hoodie. Nice. I quickly grabbed an extra pair of underwear and socks and threw them into a backpack. As I began exiting my room, I could hear Toni calling my name. 

"Keith! I need help!" 

Reluctantly I enter Toni's room and see him staring at two shirts. 

"Which one?" He asks, furrowing his brow as though this was a life-changing decision. 

I never understood Toni's obsession with his clothes. Who cares what he wears? Why does it matter if he wears his black nirvana shirt or his blue v-neck? I just pointed to a random shirt and proceeded to leave the room. 

Ella was already waiting impatiently for us on the couch. She jumps up when she hears me coming but when she realizes Toni is not with me, she plops herself back onto the couch and pouted. 

"You know, we could leave without him-" just as I was about to finish my sentence, Toni came running down the stairs. He was now wearing a red shirt with white shorts which to me looked questionable but I was not about to let him change his outfit again. 

"Well?" Toni calls out. "What are we doing standing around? We have a road trip to plan!"

Ella jumped up and screamed in excitement while I slowly rose up from the couch and followed both of them out the door. 

 

* * *

 

 

We took the bus to Ella's house. When we arrived, it looked much different then I was expecting. It was on the older side of town, and vegetation had overgrown most of the house. Tall trees covered most of the front of the house, casting speckled shadows right underneath. The grass in the front yard was slightly overgrown and looked like it hadn't been cut in a while. Stone's paved the way to the front and stopped before an old wooden porch. White paint was visibly peeling, leaving the exposed wood open. The bottom half had already been covered by vines anyway. On the porch, there were plenty of flower pots with beautiful arrangements of different colors. There was also an old bench where leaves stuck out through the cracks. It was strangely mesmerizing. We opened the front door and entered her house. It was definitely older and almost seemed like a trip to a grandparent's house. The walls were covered with a light yellow paint that was probably much brighter in its glory days. A ceiling fan slowly spun as dust particles danced in the air. Ella lead us to the attic which used to be her room. "I moved here with my grandma when I transferred high schools and I ended up staying here for college too," she told us as she pulled down a latch that unfolded into stairs. The only things that hinted that someone used to live here was the bed shoved in the corner and a few old posters pinned to the low ceiling. The rest of the room was covered in old junk. Toni and I awkwardly stood to the side as Ella swam through the sea of garbage, throwing things left and right and cursing out a few times by stepping on some old toy. It seemed like forever until she finally found her tent. 

"Wait, wait, wait," I stopped Ella as she showed us the tent. "All three of us are gonna sleep in  _that_?"

"Are you scared of sleeping in the same tent as a  _girl_?" she asked with a mischevious smirk.

"What? I don't care about that. The problem is the tent looks like it would barely fit two people." 

She laughed as she told me this wasn't the only tent she had. 

"I have two so just calm your tits while I find the other one"

It took Ella even longer but she found the second tent. We followed her downstairs and helped fill up a cooler with water bottles, cans of Pepsi, and sandwiches she kept premade in the fridge. 

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Ella yelled out as she quickly ran out the back door. She came running back in with a can of gasoline, a bag of coal, and a pack of matches. "Can't have a camping trip without a campfire," she exclaimed as she winked at me and Toni. 

I hadn't even noticed it was 1 pm when we left Ella's house. We walked to one of her neighbors who apparently promised Ella she could use his pick up truck whenever she wanted. He seemed a little more grumpy and reluctant to let Ella borrow it but she was so persistent that he gave in. Toni and I were exhausted as we both dropped all the equipment we've been carrying on our backs into the truck. Ella got behind the wheel and Toni sat up front while I was alone in the back. I didn't mind though. Ella announced that we were going to stop at the gas station first. I just laid down on the seat and put on my headphones. I closed my eyes and fell asleep to my music flowing through my ears.

 

* * *

 

When I woke up, we were already driving on the open road. I looked out of the window at the blue sky with enormous white clouds that stretched across the sky. I could hear Ella and Toni arguing over something and I subconsciously mumbled for them to shut up. 

"Good, you're finally awake," Toni exclaimed. "Now Keith can prove you wrong!"

"What are you guys talking about?" I sit up, confused as to what they are arguing about. 

"Well," Ella began to explain, "I'm trying to tell this  _moron_ that winter is better than summer!"

"Yah and Pluto is a planet," Toni huffed and crossed his arms. I just stared at the two of them.

"Um, they're just seasons?"

"You don't understand!" They both screamed in unison. 

"Well then if we're going to argue about the best season, then it's fall hands down."

They both look at me in disgust. 

The rest of the ride was a sad argument on which season was the best. The only thing that lightened the mood was our car karaoke to Kesha's Tik Tok. 

As the song began to end, Ella turned and began to drive off-road. She decided we would set up camp near a cluster of Joshua trees. Ella quickly jumped out of the car, running around with her arms out. Toni quickly joined her, and they chased each other around like children. I leaned against the truck and smiled at them. Maybe this was gonna be pretty fun after all. 

 


	8. Chapter 8

/Keith's point of view/

 

When we were done setting up the tents it was already 4:00 pm. It took us about two hours to get everything set up right. And let's not forget the fact that Toni struggled to stay serious for more than five minutes. Sometimes he would just randomly make weird faces or start singing some awful song out loud and Ella would crack up every time. When we finally finished, we all collapsed from exhaustion. Most of the clouds have gone so there was no barrier between us and the sun. However, Toni got bored very quickly just lying in the tent. He quickly jumped up, grabbing my hand and dragging me up with him. I stumbled trying to stand upright before Toni was already pulling me out of the tent. Ella had already stood outside her tent as though she already knew what Toni was planning. She smiled as she saw me trip over my own feet trying to keep up with Toni. They both look at each other and nod. 

"While you were asleep in the car, Ella and I were talking about her past camping experiences here in the desert." Toni had a devious smile as Ella interrupted him. 

"Long story short, there's a waterhole around here, and we should go swimming!" Ella was practically jumping up and down as she explained that small oasis she's been to before. Her and Toni were already ready to go and kept rushing me as I tried to recollect myself. I blindly followed them through the desert until low and behold, we made it. 

There was a waterfall coming out of a cliffside, falling into a large body of water. While Ella was running towards the water, she quickly ripped off her shirt and was left only wearing her underwear. Tony did the same and it ended up just being the two of them splashing each other violently. Laughter erupted from both of them and I couldn't help but smile at their childish behavior. I sat down on a rock that rested on the edge of the water and hugged my knees, squinting my eyes as the water reflected the blaring sun's rays. I didn't even notice Ella approaching me until a wet hand grabbed my leg. I had no choice and Ella dragged me in with all her might. Before I knew it, I was submerged in the water. Everything around me was quiet. Peaceful. I let myself drift through the water a few seconds longer before resurfacing and catching my breath. Ella and Toni began splashing me furiously and my sad attempt at splashing back made them burst into fits of laughter. I got so fed up I jumped on Toni's back and tried to tackle him. However, my weak arms could barely drag Toni down and he ended up grabbing me and flipping me into the water. I didn't even notice that Ella snuck up on me and grabbed onto my shirt. "Why don't you take this off and let it dry? There's no shame here!" and as she was lifting up my shirt, I hadn't even realized that I had turned around and grabbed her arms so tight that she winced in pain. I couldn't even hear what was going on around me until Toni grabbed me and dragged me out of the water. "Dude, what the fuck are you doing!" and it wasn't until then did I notice the red marks on Ella's arms. Fuck. Fuck.  _Fuck._ Without thinking, I ran. I didn't know where I was going, but I needed to get away. My eyes welled up with tears.  _God, I'm such a worthless piece of shit._ I tripped over something and I began to fall down a hill. I stopped myself before I crashed into a group of rocks. I realized I had followed the water and it flowed farther than I thought. I decided to climb the rocks and sit at the top. Looking out over the desert, I realized what a huge mistake I made. What a mistake it was to make friends. What a mistake it was to think they could understand. What a mistake to think you're normal. My teary eyes blurred my vision and I closed my eyes. I sat there for what seemed like forever. 

It had probably been at least an hour of just me until I heard my name being called. It was Toni. I suddenly felt awful for running off and I began to wave my arms and calling his name. He saw me and sprinted so quickly in my direction. After watching him climb up, our eyes met and his were full of relief. He hugged me and I squeezed him back even tighter. I thought he was about to cry but instead, he just stared ahead at the view. We sat there in silence, watching the sun slowly set behind the horizon. Before it brushed against the desert, he finally asked me what happened. 

He turned to me and questioned, "Why did you react like that?" 

I was so uncomfortable but I know he needed an explanation. I slowly began to lift my shirt, revealing my scars. Instead of being shocked, he began to trace his fingers across every scar. I winced at his sudden touch but it was actually quite soothing. His eyes traced over every inch of my torso and his eyes filled with sorrow. I try to explain but he puts his finger to my lips. "You don't have to," he said and went in to hug me again. This time I was the one who was crying. I hed onto him so tightly I was scared of what would happen when I let go. We only separated when we heard Ella's voice echo "Gross get a room you two!"


	9. Chapter 9

/Keith's point of view/ 

 

I suddenly blushed as I realized how close I was to Toni. Not to mention he was... shirtless. After realizing I was staring for a little too long, I quickly pulled away and almost tripped trying to get down from the rocks. Ella was giggling when Toni glanced over at her and gave her a wink. I slowed down as I approached Ella and stuttered over my words as I tried to apologize. She sighed and gave me a warm smile. Shaking her head she said, "don't worry about it." All three of us just walked back along the edge of the water, digging our toes into the cool sand. Ella and Toni both teased me for blushing earlier which just caused me to turn redder. But I couldn't help and smile that everything seemed to go back to normal so quickly. The sun beat against our backs and cast long shadows in front of us. The heat felt nice. Something in my chest also felt... warm. We were finally approaching our campsite again and Ella decided we should start setting up the campfire. Toni actually volunteered to take care of the whole thing which Ella was not opposed to. However, we did help unload what he needed from the car. When we were done, as I was walking back, Ella suddenly grabbed my hand and gestured for me to follow her. She climbed and sat on top of the car and gestured for me to sit next to her. I followed and soon enough we were both staring at the mesmerizing sunset. We also saw Toni in the distance struggling to open the bag of coal. I laughed as I saw him inaudibly curse at the bag. Ella glanced towards my direction.

"You like him, don't you," she asked. 

This was so sudden that I had no response at first. I fumbled over my words again and turned red. 

"No, it's not like that! He's just a good friend... " I trail off as Ella seemed like she was beginning to tear up. 

"It's okay to like him, you know," she sighed. "Besides, I can see it in your eyes. You're in love you fucking idiot." Her eyes turned golden as the last rays of sunlight reflected in her tears. She hugged her knees and closed her eyes.

I reached over, my hand grabbing her shoulder and before I could ask her why she was crying, she whispered, "I think I might be in love with you, idiot."

I don't know what to do. I sit there silently, staring at Ella who buried her face deeper into her knees. Fuck what am I supposed to do? I just continue to sit there, looking like a god damn idiot. I stare down at my feet. 

"I'm sorry..." I manage to let the words escape my lips. They barely left my slightly parted lips and I almost thought Ella didn't hear me. She slowly lifted up her head and her eyes were red. She sniffed and wiped away her tears. "God, I'm such an idiot, aren't I? I've only known you for a few hours and here I am, proclaiming my love. Maybe that's just how us young people are. We rush into things. We put our feelings into everything, even though when we get hurt we know everything will be thrown back at us. God, I hate the human heart. So fragile. What the fuck even is love?" She laughs at herself and I smile. "Maybe we're just too weird people flying towards the sun, and I was the one who burnt my wings." Ella sighed to herself and shook her head. "Have I ever told you that I love poetry? I fucking love the English language and the way you can put words together." Her eyes seemed to light up as she spoke. She looked at me and smiled. "You know, you're gay but you just don't know it yet. I guess that's cool I mean, shit happens and society is a bitch but if it's any consultation, I think it's pretty cool to be gay." 

I didn't really know how to respond. I mean I always knew I was different. It felt weird when all of your friends would always talk about how hot girls were and you kind of just... didn't get. I mean it's not like they're ugly but I didn't have any intention of doing anything. I hadn't really thought about being gay. Well, I didn't even know what being gay meant until I was in college. My hometown was very small and conservative. 

"Sorry if I'm confusing you," Ella seemed a little concerned as I grew so silent.

"Actually, I think everything is starting to make sense." 

Ella smiled.

"Wait, do you really think I love Toni?" I nervously asked. 

"Oh my god, are you kidding me? I'd actually think if Toni wasn't so dense then you two would be married by now. You kind of already act like you're dating, without all the kissing and stuff. Unless you're keeping something from me?" she questioned and I turned red, shaking my head. She laughed and punched my shoulder. "I'm just messing with you." 

We were interrupted as we heard Toni calling our names. "Well," Ella exclaimed, "looks like we're being summoned."

As we got down from the truck, Ella turned to me one last time and said "Keith, don't fuck this up. I think you really have something special with him." 

And with that, she ran up to Toni and began to tease him. Watching Toni's face made me realize I may just be in love after all. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

As I finally caught up with them, I noticed the great job Toni did with the firepit. His eyes lit up as he lit a match and threw it into the pit. Flames slowly emerged and the crimson color flickered against Toni's blue eyes.  I hadn't even noticed, but he had such long eyelashes. I didn't realize I was staring until Ella nudged me and gave me a look. I turned red but Toni was too fixated on the fire to notice. 

"I almost forgot!" Ella cried, breaking the silence. She searched through her bag and pulled out a bag of marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers. "You can't have a campfire without smores" she smiled. 

The three of us huddled around the fire, forgetting just how cold the desert got at night. Ella had only packed two blankets and I couldn't help but wonder if she had always known my apparent oblivious crush on my best friend. Toni didn't think anything of it and threw the blanket around us. My heart started to beat faster and I was scared that he could hear it too. I could see Ella sadly smiling to herself. I wondered how someone could be so selfless for others, especially since we barely knew each other. We haven't even known each other for a  _week_. Still, she just felt like that person you can be yourself around. She passed out the marshmallows and I had to lean against Toni so mine would reach the fire. I felt his heat against mine and I just felt safe. Without even thinking, I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. This is where I wanted to be. Even if Toni didn't like me back, even being close to him like this made me happy. He shook my shoulder and I got scared that I overstepped my boundary. 

"Oh god I'm sorry I just-"

"You're marshmallow burned." 

Surely enough when I looked at the end of my stick, all I had left was a shriveled up chunk of black sugar. Ella laughed at me as I stared at what was left of my marshmallow. 

"How did you know I liked mine burnt?" Toni said as he grabbed my stick and put the marshmallow in his mouth. 

"Gross!" I laughed at Ella's disgust as Toni jokingly moaned in pleasure as he chewed loudly, clearly just trying to annoy her more. No one could make me truly laugh like Toni does. He smiled at me when he caught me staring. I quickly turned to the fire so he couldn’t tell that I was blushing. 

“This is perfect,” he mumbled to himself. I don’t know if he was talking to me or not, but I smiled. He couldn’t even begin to imagine the joy I was feeling. Time slowed and for a few moments, it was just me and him, staring into the fire, our bodies leaning against one another. 

My little universe fantasy abruptly ended when Ella got up and said “I’m tired, I think I’m just gonna hit the hay. You two have fun, and if you’re gonna fuck, don’t be too loud.” She laughed at her own joke as if it was the funniest thing she’s ever said and I think Toni was laughing at her ridiculous reaction. 

“I’m gonna stay a little longer here,” I said, not moving from where I was. Toni didn’t seem to object and as Ella climbed into her tent, once again it was just me, him, and the fire. We sat in silence for quite a while, only the sounds of nature around us and the crackle of the flame could be heard. Eventually, the fire began to burn out until it was just barely alive. I looked up into the sky and gasped. Stars were speckled across the deep black sky. It was like looking into a galaxy, the glitter of lights that stretched above me felt like they were watching over me. 

“I wish it could always be like this.” 

I hadn’t realized I had said my thoughts out loud until Toni replied “I am pretty irresistible aren’t I?” I immediately got embarrassed and started to stutter over my words, trying to explain that I was talking about the weather until he cut me off. 

“Keith, you talk too much,” and as he said that, he leaned down and kissed me. His lips pressed hard against mine, his warmth felt as though it was radiating through my body. Every inch of love was pulsing through my veins and I kissed him back. In the heat of the moment, I didn’t even process what was going on. His hands cupped my face and then traveled to the back of my head, pulling on my hair. I wrapped my arms around his waist and I pulled myself in closer. His lips moved from my mouth to my neck, and I grabbed tighter onto his shirt as his kisses traveled all around my body. Like bullets, his kisses pierced through my heart and I got excited every time we touched. I was laying on the ground now as Toni hovered over me. I looked into his eyes. They looked like a dark ocean, crashing against the shore that sparkles in the moonlight. His dirty-blonde hair fell onto his face and his tan skin seemed to shine from the starlight. He was so beautiful, I couldn’t even begin to express how much I loved this man. I stopped myself. Did I just admit...? 

“Hey, are you okay?” 

I hadn’t realize that I completely stopped and was staring off into space. Toni looked extremely worried. 

“I think I love you.” 

It was such a faint whisper, my voice felt so small and I felt so exposed. Toni’s eyes lit up and his expression softened. Looking into my eyes, he says “that’s funny because I think I might love you too.” 


	11. Chapter 11

/3rd person pov/

 

Keith had not expected to end up in space with a bunch of strangers, being thrown the responsibly of “defender of the universe” so suddenly. Months ago, he was going to college in Arizona, but now, he’s flying a robot lion and fighting purple aliens. After the incident, Keith became very distant and struggled to connect with people. As a result, he became quite cold to everyone on the ship with him, except to his brother Shiro. But out of everyone, Keith disliked Lance the most. Lance just reminded Keith so much of...  _him._

 

/Keith’s pov/ 

Ever since I’ve been up in space, I’ve hated it. I never asked to be a fucking pilot of a robot lion. 

It was only a few days being thrown into this mess, but somehow everyone around me seemed to be having fun. This group of friends I’m assuming have been having a lot of fun. I don’t get it. They’re not like me. They should have people at home they should be missing. I don’t have a single person I care about back on Earth and I’m still miserable on this ship. God, they really piss me off. 

I was headed to the training deck because that was the once place I enjoyed going to. I could always let off steam there. It somehow reminded me of home, which is funny since I don’t really have a home. I’ve only felt the feeling of a “home” once before, but I’m well aware of what happens when you leave yourself emotionally vulnerable. The world is going to find some way of fucking it up for you. Trust me on that.

The doors opened but I noticed someone was already there.  _Great. Just my luck._ Lance was training with a robot but he was fighting pretty poorly. He noticed me and got distracted, leading the bot to hit him across the head and end the session. 

“Oh great look what you did, Mullet!” 

“It’s not as if you were doing any good anyway.” 

“Hey!” Lance ran up to me pointed a finger at my chest. “You’re attitude is getting really annoying you know.” 

He drew his face in close. His brown hair fell across his dark blue eyes that looked so familiar. Their contract against his tan skin was all to familiar. He was just all too familiar. I started to breathe heavily and my vision blurred. I could barely hear Lance’s voice and I felt so dizzy. 

“To Keith are you okay? I just asked you to be nicer not almost pass out.” 

I hadn’t realized I was leaning against Lance and I quickly pushed him away. Before I said anything, I quickly ran out of the room and headed straight back to mine. I shut the door behind me and leaned my back against the wall. I slowly collapsed onto the floor, hugging my knees and staring at my floor in the darkness. Tears were forming at my eyes.  _I hate myself. I fucking hate myself so much. I just want you back._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're enjoying it so far! Anything you want to change, or you were displeased with please let me know I will do my best to fix it.


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